Self-care a luxury? Think again

Photo of woman with title Dr Loretta Poerio

Are you OK? has never been so critical a question – especially when asked of ourselves.

The simple act of asking someone how they are travelling and taking the time to share an hon­est exchange, has never been so important. The ongoing stress and chronic uncertainty associ­ated with COVID-19 have taken their toll on all of us in one way or another. Many of us are feeling flat, overwhelmed and exhausted at least some of the time. Taking a step back and reflecting on how we can care for our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health and wellbeing, and support others to do the same can assist in nav­igating these times with equanimity.

Focusing on caring for ourselves may appear selfish, but in reality it is not, and nor should it be seen as a luxury only for those who have time. To be there for others we need to ensure we are okay too. In looking after ourselves, we are in a better place to support others, which can in turn help them to reach out and take steps towards build­ing their own reserves to deal with the ups and downs of life. Self-care enables us to accept and adapt to those things in life we can’t control, and to make wise choices about the things we do have some control over.

It is important to remember that we all react to stress differently, so working out your priority areas for intervention, and what strategies work best for you are critical. We need a range of tac­tics in the toolkit. The first rule in self-care is to recognise what is happening within yourself. This sounds obvious; however, we are very good avoiders and absolutely fabulous at not seeing what is right in front of us. This is why family and friends can often be the first to notice something is wrong, which does not always go down well.

Self-awareness means listening to what our body is trying to tell us. Are your thoughts racing, are you finding it difficult to focus, are you con­fused or worried more than usual? Perhaps you are feeling that people have become a lot more irritating lately, or you are crying at the drop of a hat. Is your heart racing more than usual, are your palms more sweaty more often, or are you experiencing more headaches? Are you avoid­ing tasks, or working long hours without a break, perhaps eating more or less? How is your sleep? These are all signs that a reset is required.

Many of us know at least some things that will help us keep a measure of equilibrium, such as sleep, exercise, good nutrition, relaxation, and meaningful and supportive social connection. The difficulty is how do we find the motivation to put these things into practice?

Planning is key, along with starting small. One pitfall on the path to change is to take on too much in too short a time and then feel overwhelmed, exhausted and guilty at failing, yet again. Sound familiar?

You are not alone. This behaviour is part of the human condition. Recognising that, we can act wisely and choose to focus on one strategy at a time when building a new self-care routine. It starts by picking one area you would like to focus on. Reflect on what you are trying to achieve and why. Motivation is key, as is self-discipline and commitment. But be realistic. This will help pre­pare you for the inevitable lapses.

It is important to have a plan, to be consistent, to review the ‘why’ regularly, and be patient.

As you are building your self-care plan, the fol­lowing steps can be helpful to think about:

  • Review your situation: List what is happen­ing in different areas of your life – home, work, friendships, family. Why do you need to make improvements?
  • Identify the stress triggers: Review the differ­ent stress triggers in your life and think about strategies you can put in place. See websites below.
  • Prioritise one self-care strategy: Stick to one strategy at a time. Remember the goal posts can be very small. This will help in not feeling over­whelmed. Make a time in your diary for the task, or involve a friend to help motivate you.
  • Take small steps: Break down the task/activity into small steps, and commit to taking one at a time.
  • Plan for roadblocks: There will be challenges, and you will need to be agile. Plan for how you will deal with these events. Don’t be deterred by lapses.
  • Schedule time to practise and review the self-care strategy: Even when you are telling yourself you are too busy, carve out a little ‘you’ time, even if you start with two minutes a day to just focus on noticing your breathing and slow­ing it down.

For some great strategies, try the following websites:

  1. Open Arms – Veterans & Families Counsel­ling  
  2. Head to Health and select from the ‘COVID-19 support’ menu
  3. Black Dog Institute
  4. Beyond Blue

Self-care should not be an optional extra in our busy lives; it should be a critical part of our lives because we are so busy. It impacts how we feel about ourselves, the quality of our relationships and ultimately our satisfaction with our lives. Without a focus on our own health and wellbeing, we can’t do justice to ourselves or those we love. So, what will your next step to better health and wellbeing be?