‘Talk about it’
Former RSL NSW President Ray James opens up on prostate cancer
Ray James has a simple message for his fellow veterans: ‘If you’ve got prostate cancer, share that with your wife or partner, and share it with your mates.’
Pauline James, Ray’s wife of 52 years, chimes in: ‘Blokes think that because they’ve lost their prostate, that they’re impotent. But it’s not the end of a loving relationship – there are options.’
Ray James OAM was the first Royal Australian Navy veteran to be appointed as the President of RSL NSW. His father served as a 16-year-old on the Kokoda Track, and Ray himself joined the Navy as a 15-year-old. He completed 20 years full-time and war-like active service, including in the Vietnam War, and a further 26 years in the Royal Australian Navy Reserve.
Ray is in fact a dual ‘accidental’ cancer survivor. In 2016, while getting a chest scan for asbestos exposure, doctors discovered an aggressive cancer in his thyroid. He thought he ‘won’t live till Christmas’, but his thyroid was removed and the cancer was defeated.
Five years later, when his regular doctor of 45 years retired, Ray’s new GP cautioned that a prostate specific antigen (PSA) test result of 4.7 was ‘a bit high for your age’ and advised further tests. ‘I had no symptoms,’ Ray says. ‘I regularly attended the doctor, and years ago went annually to the prostate clinic at Concord Hospital because my father and brother both had prostate issues.’
When all the tests were done, the cancer discovered was at a stage that the specialist wanted to operate to remove Ray’s prostate immediately. The timing was inconvenient, to say the least. It was October 2021, a COVID-19 lockdown was in place, and Ray was needed to chair a 2-day RSL virtual congress.
‘I’m very lucky,’ says Ray ‘two more weeks and it may have breached the prostate and gone throughout my body.'
'Ray is an inspiration to me – we've been married for almost 52 years,' adds Pauline.
Pauline is highly active in the Defence community. In addition to Ray, her son and grandson are also veterans and she lost three cousins in the Vietnam War. The couple are now on personal crusade to break down the stigma associated with prostate cancer.
Pauline says much of that stigma relates to sexuality. ‘Just because you have cancer, your sexuality does not leave you – there is still life in the old boy!’ she laughs. ‘If you don’t take your wife or partner on the journey, you’re going to have cranky old men and cranky old women out there.’
The other issue is the probing, digital examination, which Ray confirms can be confronting: ‘The PSA is not the be all and end all – get the digital for god’s sake – it only takes a sec.’ Pauline agrees: ‘I would say to the wives and partners – encourage your husbands to have the PSA, but also the digital, and any other tests recommended by your doctor.’
And both agree that open and honest communication is the most important factor in discovering the cancer in time and saving lives.
‘Pauline is the type of person who breaks that barrier down,’ says Ray. ‘She can talk to the male who couldn’t talk to his wife or partner – but he’ll talk to Pauline. She talks about my experience and encourages the partner to get involved. We’ve spoken with veterans who didn’t have any symptoms and convinced them to talk to their doctor – unfortunately, some have been diagnosed.’
Ray says he is very happy with the support he has received from DVA through his cancer journey: ‘I’m on a Veteran Gold Card – I didn’t pay one cent out of pocket.’
If you’ve been diagnosed by your doctor with prostate cancer and hold a Veteran White Card you might be eligible to receive fully funded cancer treatment under DVA’s Non-Liability Health Care (NLHC). For more information, call 1800 VETERAN (1800 838 372).
Image: Ray and Pauline James